Help in a crisis

Distressed cues

Baby crying Mum holding and kissing the head of her baby who is crying Dad holding baby on knee who is crying and arching back

When babies are distressed they need their parent to help them manage their emotions.

They do not have the brain development to calm themselves down or regulate their emotions by themselves.

Over time they will become better able at managing these through a two-way relationship together.

Your baby does not have the brain development to display distress cues to manipulate you or cause you distress intentionally. Your baby does have the brain development to tell you when they need your help to feel better.

You cannot spoil a baby with love!

How can you help your baby

  • Respond quickly to your baby as this helps them learn to feel safe
  • Engage with your baby
  • Gently rock your baby
  • Touch and stroke your baby
  • Comfort your baby with cuddles
  • Soothe your baby with your voice
  • Suckling can give comfort to your baby
  • Skin-to-skin contact can comfort all babies from newborn to an older infant

 

More information

Resources to help you deal with crying

Your baby crying is normal, always remember it will stop, and you can cope.

The ICON website has a range of resources to help you if you are struggling.

Activities

Dealing with distress for you and your baby

Look at the different pictures at the start of this topic section.

  • Which image suits you and your baby?
  • What signs let you know your baby is distressed?
  • How do you feel when your baby is distressed?

Sometimes our baby’s distress can trigger distress in ourselves.

Take 3 slow deep breaths in and out. Breathe in through your nose, fill your lungs with fresh air, and breathe out through your mouth, letting go of all the tension in your shoulders and chest, letting go of all the breath.

This will give you a moment to regulate your emotions, so you feel calmer being with your baby.

Think about how your baby may be feeling.

Engage with baby –  gently rock baby, touch and stroke baby, comfort with cuddles, soothe with your voice, suckling can give comfort to babies, skin to skin from newborn to older infants.

Being there with your baby whilst they are experiencing distress will be helpful for them. They may not always quieten immediately but your presence will help them.

Most importantly, always remember, you cannot spoil your baby with love. Some people believe it is best to leave baby to cry so they learn to manage their emotions. This is not the case as the Crying and soothing section explains.

To help you deal with your own stress and emotions it might be helpful to explore our taking care of yourself section.

Learning cues