Babies don’t need to be doing things all the time, they need a bit of space to be too.
It can be overwhelming being a baby, they are learning so much and need to have time to process this.
Recognising when things might be getting a bit too much, or that your baby might need a change of pace, can help to prevent this.
Sometimes babies just need a short break from what they are doing.
They make look away for a short time before being ready to play again.
Sometimes babies need a little space to enjoy interacting.
Some 'too much' cues
- Leaning away from carer
- Sucking fingers for comfort
- Moving head away
- Looking away
- Posseting
This big brother is very happy to see his baby. Can you see the disengagement cues the baby is giving?
He is: looking away, posseting (bringing up a little sick)
Grandma and baby image-this grandma is very fond of her baby grandson and loves to cuddle him close.
If she were looking out for his cues, she may have allowed him a bit more space, kept her face a bit further away, and had less toys in her arms too. He is giving disengagement cues: leaning away from carer, sucking fingers for comfort, and has moved head away.
He is feeling overwhelmed, and trying to calm himself. Strong emotions either positive or negative (loving, happy, angry or sad) from the adult or other with the baby can sometimes be too much!
We all may be ‘too much’ at times – being aware of this will help us to be more alert to our baby’s cues and respond in tune.
More information
Do you ever notice that you and your baby chase and dodge? It is very common. Next time you notice your baby needing a moment of space, try giving your baby this moment. What happens?
The important message from chase and dodge is to trust your baby, they will come back to you.
Watch this film of mother and baby playing ‘peek-a-boo’. Notice how the mother responds when they baby looks away to take a break from the game. The mother allows the baby to take a break until they are ready to come back to play the game again.
Find out more about 'chase and dodge'
Sometimes things go wrong, or communication is not attuned. If you can repair this with your baby, you are showing your baby that difficult situations can be resolved and you can get back to attuned interaction.
Here is are some examples that Tronick described:
“Imagine two infant-mother pairs playing the game of peek-a-boo.
In the first, the infant abruptly turns away from his mother as the game reaches its “peek” of intensity and begins to suck on his thumb and stare into space with a dull facial expression. The mother stops playing and sits back watching her infant. After a few seconds the infant turns back to her with an interested and inviting expression. The mother moves closer, smiles, and says in a high-pitched, exaggerated voice, “Oh, now you’re back!” He smiles in response and vocalizes. As they finish crowing together, the infant reinserts his thumb and looks away. The mother again waits. After a few seconds the infant turns back to her, and they greet each other with big smiles.
Imagine a second similar situation except that after this infant turns away, she does not look back at her mother. The mother waits but then leans over into the infant’s line of vision while clicking her tongue to attract her attention. The infant, however, ignores the mother and continues to look away. Undaunted, the mother persists and moves her head closer to the infant. The infant grimaces and fusses while she pushes at the mother’s face. Within seconds she turns even further away from her mother and continues to suck on her thumb”
- Can you imagine how the infant felt in each case?
- What might have been going on in the first baby’s mind?
- What might have been going on in the second baby’s mind?
- Can you imagine how the mothers felt in each case, what might have been going on in the mothers’ minds?
- What do you think the first baby’s goal was when he looked at his mum, smiling?
- What do you think was the first baby’s goal when he turned away and sucked his thumb?
- What do you think the second baby’s goal was when she looked away?
- How do you think it would feel for the second baby if the mum keeps moving her face close to the baby’s trying to get her attention?
- How might the infant expect their mother to behave next time?
- How might they behave next time?
- With the second example, what opportunities for repair can you spot?
The following news clip tells you more about ‘chase and dodge’ and how following your baby’s lead can help you both:
Tips for Moms with Newborn Babies
Learning cues
